The Layoff: Day 1

Yesterday I cried.

I sat with a head honcho and a HR manager for the company I have been working for as they broke the news that my position had been made redundant.  In essence, I was jobless "effective immediately".

I didn't cry right away.  My eyes didn't swell until I spoke and looked at their sympathetic faces.  I could see this was hurting them, perhaps just as much as it was hurting me.

I have never really been laid off before.  Kinda' once.  Via letter.  But I knew that was coming and I was eager to get the Hell out of Dodge on that one anyway.  I already had a teaching job lined up elsewhere at the time and I was living with my mom.  That means, I had a cell phone bill, student loan, and little else to pay at the time.  Today, is a whole 'notha story with a mortgage, 6 mouths to feed (yes, my cats count), and utilities, credit card debt, and the rest of that stuff that comes in a white envelope each month. 

Do I feel a sense of panic?

No. 

Although if you asked me yesterday or in a week or month, the answer may be different.

I am in a good position to be laid off, and if I take a cold-hard look at it, I feel glad that it was me instead of someone I love.  I am glad it is not a sibling or friend who has children at home with them.  I am happy it was me instead of someone who is ill or caring for a sick family member.  People with real needs.

Not to diminish the fact that I am sad.  I am lacking that sense of purpose and I fear I will fall into a hole of despair.  But today, I am happy.  I am optimistic.  I have time to switch gears before the creditors start calling (worst case scenario) and the po-po come to rip me away from my house (not likely-but fun to envision myself as the damsel-in-distress in that daytime drama).  I am staring at my house and looking forward to getting some cleaning done.  I am eager to close my computer, turn off my phone, and turn on the radio- blasting my old skool jams and bustin' a move on the carpet.  Because that's what I did at 14 and it got me through heartbreaks before.  Let's see if the Running Man can work its magic once more.

It's natural to think "worst case", because it is a way of preparing ourselves mentally and emotionally.  And what gives me solace is knowing that I am not alone.  Many of my readers, my friends and family have been laid off/ made redundant and gone on to brighter things.  This is not the end.  It is just the beginning.

The Layoff: Day 2 coming tomorrow!...