Deuces

I am lost in what number it is. Top 10- or is it 5? It's one of those frequently used words of yours Alana, and I am pleased to hear it when it falls out of your mouth. "Sheesha". That is how you pronounce  "sister". And I would be remiss to not acknowledge that when you and I talk, I always refer to your one and only sibling as "Sister" instead of as Sayler. "Where's sister?...." "Let's go get your sister..." "Go with sister".... I often urge you, in attempts to have you shoo out of my bedroom while I am trying to hide away from my children. And since Sheesha is your favorite person, it's not hard to get you to do anything that involves her. You hug your sheesha every day. Not because we tell you to. Not because of any reason other than your strong need to put your arms around your role model and hold on- often for a full minute, waiting for sheesha to wrap her arms back around you, which she ...

We strolled the grocery aisles- a family of four. We were hungry and homeless-looking, coming straight from a run and play at the park.  Our hands were probably dirty. Our clothes were sweaty. My "messy hair, don't care" bun teetered to one side of my head, reminding the world I needed a cut and color immediately.  Within the store stood a small McDonald's.   Lloyd nodded toward the menu. "Do you want anything?" My face scrunched tightly, revealing my disdain for fast food. "It's still one of the things I can't eat, after all those years being a vegetarian..." I explained.  I took another glance at the menu, pausing thoughtfully as I scanned- the rumble in my abdomen reminding me I was hungry.  The look of disgust on my face didn't match the salivation in my mouth- the scenario took me back a year.  In that moment, I remembered. I remembered the random cravings I had while pregnant with Alana.  One of them wa...

Were you just playing a John Mellencamp song...? My inquiry was earnest, though filled with the confused stupor that follows an awakening from a deep, mid-afternoon nap.  Equally confused, he replied "... I don't know anything by John Mellencamp..." In a sedated, yet certain response I added ""Jack and Diane"... I thought you were playing that song..." He stood quietly for a moment, curious, as I held a focused gaze, hands in my lap, staring at my fingers, gracefully interwoven.   It's the look he dubs the "1000 mile stare". And I slowly came to.  Came to realize my father wasn't playing a John Mellencamp song, and Lloyd wasn't either.   I shouldn't have been surprised-  neither of the two men had ever played John Mellencamp before, so why would they now? But in some lost space where fatigue and sleep meet, I had heard my father playing guitar and heard his voice- clear as day- singing the ...

Highlights of home include playing with Lincoln Logs: And having Charmaine, Cheyanne and Charisma over for a slumber party.  Sayler insisted on sleeping with Cheyanne- kicking me to the proverbial curb. Highlights include a year-over-year photo opp to show how rapidly Charlie is growing and how my 'surprise' face remains exactly. the. same.  Aged 12- easily 5' 10" nowadays...   Christmas 2013:     Christmas, 2014 Highlights of home include playing my first iPod.  It cost me a fortune over a decade ago and houses all of my oldest and dearest albums that are only here and not in some... cloud...  Randomly hearing Depeche Mode 's greatest pop up in my playlists makes me smile while I clean, work, Facebook, dance, think, write, muse, chide.  And one of my top 5 favorite songs of all time winds up in the rotation... (tell me this song doesn't make you so happy that you just about burst...)   ...

My body hurts.   It feels like I went clubbing.   I guess I kind of did.   It was Christmas at our house- which always has an unexpected twist each year.  And this year, among several twists and dramatic moments (including ruffled feathers in the adult gift exchange) the most enlightening part of the evening is when Chris, aged 42, pulled everyone into the kitchen for a "robot dance competition".  Despite the pride I put into my 20 seconds in the circle, it was my nephew, Nathaniel, who won the prize.  We were pretty silly last night.    (There was a lot of Mark Ronson's latest played throughout the evening.)   I got all the things I needed and could want from Christmas day. I welled up reading Ariel's Christmas card and opening her 'main' gift to me- a jumpsuit I had randomly  pointed out several months ago as we were window shopping.   And she remembered and obviously splurged on it an...

Up early to start baking fresh breads for our evening fete.   Up by 7 a.m. to sit by the fire sola, beaming as I concoct the "Thank You" letter from Santa to Sayler.   Sitting idly, warmly, as I think of Sayler, Ariel and my Husband sleeping soundly.   Smiling widely as I remember last night watching Into the Storm with those same 3 and my mom who quipped "this isn't very Christmassy..."   Feeling excited as I picture my mom's face at the surprise gift for her- a hand-crafted table with a careful paint and stain that Lloyd labored over for many days and nights.  Today he and I will deliver it and place the carefully measured table to perfectly fit her kitchen.   Feeling so thankful for all the presents under the tree-a sign that we can afford them for each other-that we are employed and earn and are giving with ourselves and others because we can be.   And though I haven't at all peeked, by my husband's...

I have this hard and fast rule that no technology is allowed in bed or bedrooms. Though. I am not immune to hypocrisy, especially on Wednesday nights when Lloyd's at the arena playing soccer on his wining team and my partner and I are left to our own devices.  I love time in bed with my daughter. We have the most random conversations where everything (already) happened "next weekend".  You follow?  She calls me sweetheart or sugar or whatever other term of endearment she picked up from me. She will ask me to watch her YouTube shows "let's watch something special..." with love for Russian and British cartoons (strictly her choice believe it or not!)  And we'll snack and she'll fold laundry and I'll make a huge mess by tossing all my toys out of my toy box and then she'll remind me to be tidy and I'll be like, "but I can't find my panda...." She must really struggle with my ability to make a w...

The best part of the weekend was this:       Aidan made joyful by the home-made spice cake he wanted despite his working moms pleas, otherwise ("but I don't want a store bought cake, mom...") and watching, from a safely dry distance, the water balloon fight that my mom so eagerly joined in on. Sayler seemed  to smile the whole day through, enjoying her time with cousins and taking particular joy in her time spent with her adult cousins, Ariel and Bret, who never say "no" to whatever her heart desires.    CJ put burgers and dogs on the barbecue, always considerate of the several vegetarians in the family. And I took extra special joy in time with Cambria.  Her docile nature, warmth, sweetness and the simple joy and comfort she finds in being held close with unfettered allegiance to everyone that loves her:   And today, Sunday, Lloyd and I went to the mall for dinner and shopping.  We couldn't remember t...

Corbin, I don't know what it is but I can't stop missing you.   And you won't know it because you don't read my blog (in fact, I don't think anyone in our family reads my blog, assuming they even know it exists...)   But Corbin I want you to know you've been a great older brother.   We don't have that much in common, actually, aside from the humor that causes us to be boisterous and loud and try to dominate conversations with others (especially one another).   We both always think we are right.   You are more apt to apologize than I am (but to be fair that's because you can be quite cutting at times, the way an older brother can be, where I would never dream of causing you hurt).   You are more of an introvert to my extroverted tendencies despite my unavoidable need to withdraw when I feel swallowed whole by the world around me.     You don't like when I withdraw, oftentimes trying to pull ...

Does it count as blogging when you post pictures?  Jessica so cleverly made these collages (she's the collage-queen).  I thought they were sweet.  I've known these ladies for over 20 years...ooph!   Some photos of my beautiful daughter on one of my favorite days of the year (4th of July!)   And celebrating birthdays with my 3 Cancer girls, baseball and celebrating my 35th (again!) with (more!) dear friends These are some of my favorite summer days... so far...

Sayler's warm, sweaty hand was draped over my neck.   We lie, uncomfortably, our foreheads connected, the way athletes show camaraderie during prayer before a big game...   I was attempting to ease her back into sleep.   I was immobilized, worried if I moved prematurely I would stir the little girl who was caught somewhere between slumber and full-out Energizer Bunny mode.   (Because there's nothing in-between for toddlers).   I had only my thoughts to keep me company,   and my thoughts drifted to one of the numerous nicknames, "C-Note", I have acquired in these last few adult years.   And thinking about a "C-Note" made me think of a gift I gave to my father.     I was just a young girl- no older than 8 or 9- when I had won enough tickets from games played at Bullwinkle's to acquire a prize behind the brightly-lit display.   There were so many wonderful things...   Ite...

"Mommy are you sad?" "Yes... yes mommy is sad..." "OH!  ....Daddy, go get D'Schtarbucks for mommy!  Go now!" My daughter knows how to make me happy, even if I'm only suffering from the first world malaise of needing a coffee syphon. It's the little things, y'know? Iced coffee being a little thing. And my daughter makes me laugh a lot when she has my back, especially if it comes at Lloyd's expense. Because sometimes he'll say "no" and she has a way of making him say "yes" to early evening treks to Schtarbucks for coffee. And Sayler makes me so happy in so many ways it is difficult to not lean on her for support when I'm having an off day.  The neediness I feel to be in her joyful presence, the absolute security I find in our quiet early morning bed-lingering where we often stare, sleepily,  at one another, small kisses of the butterfly and Eskimo variety in abundance...   A...

I have missed my late nights.   I suddenly took on "morning person" attributes a few months ago...   I would wake somewhere between 3:30 a.m. and 5 a.m. and have boundless energy.   I would clean, work, plan, daydream and write.   But tonight, as I sit alone on the over-sized couch, I do nothing but enjoy the quiet solitude as I do one of my weeknight reconnaissance missions looking at Southern Californa homes and neighborhoods online.   I like looking at homes for sale.  I really don't know why.  Planning for some distant future, perhaps.   I like negotiating between the congested neighborhoods, concrete jungles in close proximity to downtown centers and the older, suburban homes lined on streets with mature trees and quiet sidewalks.   I always come back to those that are near the nature preserves and large parks, wide open spaces, large yards to plant beautiful things in...   And my favorite ...

I've decided that of all the emotions I can feel, among the most crippling is to feel uninspired. It's everything that drives my everydays. And it's possible I've been battling a heavy dose of the "uninspired" lately. But I have slowly been letting it go, more or less, maybe enough to get over myself just a little... And I can attribute, as least in part, that singing "Let it Go", out loud, to my own kin's dismay, has helped me to carry on. "Mommy, it's too loud singing ..." Sayler's admonishment of what I can only call my finest theatrical interpretation of the hit single from "Frozen" didn't make me falter.  I smiled as I continued on, arms open wide, mop-as-microphone- in full confidence: "Let it GO! Let it GO! Can’t hold it back aaaaa-nymo-ooore...Let it GO, let it GOOOO, turn away and SA-LAM the do-oooor..." And then I realized that I didn't know the rest of the lyrics, and muc...

I created a new Pandora playlist- It's my Emeli Sandé station.   Love her. It's been a banger station, hit to hit as I transition into this week back from some much-needed time away from my computer- a week away from the noise raging in my head- a week away from the mail I haven't looked at for a while that sits in wait on my desk. The one word to describe my trip to England... Necessary. Though there are so many layers to the trip I couldn't fit it into a blog.  The layer that involves necessary time with extended family and friends, the layer that revolves around the unique time I spent with Sayler in the confines and freedoms away from WiFi and work, a layer involving time with my husband as his passenger- because it's a great feeling to be a passenger, both literally and figuratively.  To rest my head for a short while and let someone take lead.  And there was the layer of focus on creating a great and memorable experience for Ariel...

When I was a kid, there was no one that snored more loudly than my father.   And much like the sound of a bear snorting as he slumbered in the woods, it was slightly frightening, quasi-ominous and seemed to forebode that no one in proximity would sleep well. I didn't think I could ever know another who caused so much restlessness... And then I met my husband. Pushing him to his side and huffing "you're snoring again!" is not an unusual occurrence at Caza Birch. He's a good sport, ol' Lloydy is... oftentimes taking heed immediately or suffering the ongoing painful rib nudges I throw his way as the night carries on .  But just when I didn't think I could ever know yet another who could cause so much restlessness... I birthed my daughter. Houston, we got another snorer. And I will miss their snoring.. Just kidding. I won't. But I will miss some other things, surely, as "they" depart in 2-days time for England. ...

"Anna Begins" makes me smile. It's one of the songs my brother, Corbin, used to randomly sing with his guitar while we sat around doing nothing.  Frankly, his version was better than the original And there are other songs that remind me of doing nothing other than sitting around when we had time to sit around.   Before we were graced with awesome children, long work days, houses, spouses, DIY projects that take us to Home Depot on the weekends and text conversations that go a little something like.... This isn't a long-winded blog.  It's just a virtual hug to my brother, Corbin, who I love dearly.