Deuces

He doesn't know it yet. But I know it and I don't want to get in trouble for tossing the Vanilla Bean Dreyer's Ice Cream, so I need to let everyone know why I threw out the pricey  treat. Frankly- it was long melted by the time I discovered it- sometime around 3 am when I crept downstairs for a snack with AJ. I was exhausted from a 3 hour stare off with my baby.  I had been doing my best to lure her into a deep slumber, though she was intent on being awake to watch me like a hawk- ensuring I found no position comfortable to be in, cautioning me to not move or dare nod off as I hunched over her, cradling her close- the only place she wanted to be between midnight and that fateful 3 am hour. And as I opened the fridge, the lights within reflected to the items placed above the fridge- a spot generally reserved for sweet things to keep from Sayler's view (though not reach, sadly, as she mastered climbing atop counters and appliances long before turning a year old.). Out of

"...Two sleepy people by dawn's early light,  Too much in love to say goodnight..." On Sunday Corbin visited and as he held you he said "I think she just smiled at me", to which I admonished: "did you just steal my baby's first smile?" But no- I'm sure that wasn't your first real smile.   And the day thereafter, as Lloyd held you, he remarked the same. But no- I'm sure that wasn't your first real smile I'm sure you saved it for me, as I held you on your 2 week birthday.  You were in a rare moment of nakedness as I changed you into a lovely yellow onesie- a fantastic color on you, I might add. I was talking to you, the way I do, and I too that moment to tickle your bare, beautiful, bountiful belly when, just then, I saw that perfect deliberate half smile cross your face. It came and went and my heart melted. That was it.  That was your first smile, defying all baby blogs that suggest it would likely come weeks later.  And today,

Sayler, It's a busy time at home- baby sister has arrived! And what Alana should know, always, is that the person who wished for you and ached for you the most was big sister Sayler.  Sayler waited anxiously for your arrival- always kind, thoughtful and reflective when discussing you, very presently well before your birth.  She had been helpful with mommy as mommy's pregnancy carried on without end and mommy could no longer chase her around the park, bend down to pick up forgotten toys, stay awake late at night... Sayler always asks to give you kisses, to help change your diaper, to give you a pacifier when you cry. She thinks breastfeeding is fairly disgusting, though I sometimes see her pretend to breastfeed her baby dolls.  I must share my hours with 2 daughters instead of just 1- and Sayler is the most gracious of all children to forgive the limitations on mommy's energy, time and devotions. To Sayler: Little sister and I and daddy love you so much and appreciate you, a

The space of my bedroom feels vast and open. My baby sleeps beside me, as I listen to the sounds of my oldest daughter and husband outside my door- readying themselves for bed. These are the newborn days. I sleep with Alana in our bed, and Lloyd with Sayler in her bedroom. Tomorrow Lloyd will go back to work, and I will be with my 2 daughters alone. It is completely frightening.  And my youngest beside me is frightening and overwhelmingly wonderful.  I vacillate between wanting to hold her all day and needing distance between our bodies. The nights are long, and as I nurse her on demand through the nights I often wonder how many other moms are staring sleepily at their baby in the exact same moment.   Nursing them, or watching them sleep on their chest, across their legs, against their body- knowing the slightest movement that would allow them to feel more comfortable would risk waking the newborn and having to restart the winding down process again.  Though as I stare at her, I catch

Miss Alana Joy came into our lives and hearts at 22:50 at the small and kind nearby hospital- a short 10 minute drive from our home. Miss Alana weighed in at a whopping 8 lbs, 10 oz.- the largest baby among my sisters and mom's babies- a whole pound heavier than older sister Sayler Faith. We named her after much consideration and thought- only moments before being released from the hospital.  This is our littlest girl @ 3 Days