Deuces

I love this walk... Most summer nights we take this walk/run and half-way through I have sincere regrets that I didn't take a shorter route through the neighbourhood. I get a little weary. But only here can I take a photo like this...

"I have baby brain... did you have that?" ... The question left her mouth effortlessly, begging me to wonder whether she did, in fact, have baby brain.  I stared blankly back at my friend as we continued in our conversation, knowing the answer in my head and unsure how to put it into words. "Vocabulary" I grunted. She stared at me a moment... wondering where I was going with the response. I reached for my coffee and took a large gulp, hoping it would help me find my words to explain. "I've lost vocabulary... whole words.  They're gone." She smiled, reassuringly, to indicate she knew exactly what I meant.  And I believed, in that moment, she knew what I meant, depsite not being able to clarify it the way I could have a few years before. Doctors probably have a name for it, but moms call it baby brain. Baby brain is when you build a baby for 9 months and in the process you lose vital nutrients and information that o...

1. Did you know that in the history of baby-baking, there hasn't been a single incidence of a woman being pregnant forever?  I am currently challenging that fact.  I have the Guinness phone number on stand-by... 2. I am running out of clean stretchy pants. 3. I think I hear the elastic on said stretchy pants scream just a little every time I put them on.  Even elastic has its limits, I guess. 4. My patience and kindness on all things is wearing more and more thin with each day of this ever-lasting pregnancy.  Yesterday when my jammy bottoms were just too tight I demanded my husband's track pants to wear.  This might not have been an issue if he wasn't already wearing the track pants I wanted.  My baby and I couldn't wait for a response so we pulled down daddy's pants before he could object.  Alas, I found stock of more stretchy pants in the house. 5. You can lose your balance by just standing still.  "Top Heavy" has a whole new ...

In this final stretch of pregnancy I am blissful. I am at my most content, happiest and, ironically, most comfortable. My first trimester I was so incredibly ill and all of the teas and ginger-flavored everythings that were supposed to make me feel less nauseaus only left me feeling sick of yet another flavor. I don't think I can ever eat a ginger snap again.  Seriously. In my second trimester I started to feel slightly better.  While I didn't have specific cravings, per say, I had a VERY annoying aversion to sweets and I could taste the flavor of high fructose corn syrup.  It was sticky and thick and left my mouth with deep sadness.  I never knew that HFCS was in SO many things before then... Cereals?  Sodas?  Candies and condiments?  It's there, ya'll. I once loved ketchup more than the foods I lathered it on and now, I won't touch the stuff. As I started my third trimester I was sick once again with a horrible cold that turned into a c...

As of last Thursday's appointment our baby weighs 6 pounds, 13 ounces. About 3 weeks to go and we are more excited than ever.... Operation carseat installation has commenced.  I don't remember my nieces' and nephews' carseats being such a pain in the arse to install, but there we sat, Lloyd and I, reading the instructions with the useless photos.  On the carseat base, itself, there are tons of colorful stickers with "helpful" reminders and pointers on the installation process but somehow we ended up confused. Where does this clip go?  Is the seat at the right angle? Because it says if there's any "red" showing that the angle is either too high or too low.  Where's the doo-dad to change the angle?  And it says to be careful not to pinch your fingers in the doo-dad while re-angling (which means we will, ultimately, end up with pinched fingers). We spend so much time figuring out how to assemle our baby stuff, perhaps, sub-consciously thinki...

Someone told me that if you worry about being a bad parent, then you won't be, because real-life "bad" parents probably aren't worrying about how they're doing. Well now that seems to make sense! But sometimes I worry, and sometimes Lloyd worries, but about Lloyd I'm not worried.... The night I knew for certain I need not worry about his parenting skills was a disaster. In the course of that evening everything seemed to be going wrong. I was having a bad case of the flu/cough/cold that wouldn't let up and I was on the couch, listless and immobilized. Lloyd cooked my dinner and brought it to me, all the while comforting me as I lay dying in front of the T.V. And just as Lloyd sat down beside me to rest after a long day's work and slaving over my hot plate, Bobby's sensitive stomache gave way and he vomited all over the carpet. He huffed about Bobby's accident, all while Bob Big Boy trotted away to fill his stomach back up despite ...

35 weeks yesterday. I mark that day with the first time I saw my feet swell a little.  Or, wait, only one foot looked slightly swollen and cankle-prone. That can't be right, can it? But sure enough as I put my 2 footsies side-by-side, my right foot looked like the Danny Devito of the Arnie Schwarz "Twins" pairing..... like a lone Hobbit's foot in the Shire.... like the foot that went to college and got the "Freshman 15". Ya' catch my drift? My left foot was petite and adorable, and seemed to be making a mocking gesture towards its counterpart with it's ability to nimbly stretch into a ballerina's toe point. I have about 5 weeks to go, and feeling pretty good (aside from 'occasional' attention-seeking complaints that are meant to induce compassion and good-will). We are ecstatic. At 35 weeks I watch the belly and wait for the "Mother's Line" to appear.... will I get one?  I won't be too disheartened if I d...

I won't forget the woes of pregnancy. Just in case I somehow think "It wasn't so bad", I have decided to make myself a list of the moments I'd rather not re-live. And is it because I am ungrateful? Heck no, man. There are joys of pregnancy.  I'll list those first. 1. Those first moments when you feel your baby move, tumble, fist pump and karate chop.  2. When you have an intense food craving for, say, powdered donuts, and you eat a full package of said donuts and you can feel the smile on your face stretch from ear to ear while white powder falls from your lips and you aren't even a little bit sorry about it. 3. When people finally notice you are pregnant and not just carrying extra holiday weight. 4. When moms of the world tell you exactly what you are thinking at any given time during your pregnancy. 5. When you see other pregnanct women waddle across the room and you are glad you aren't the only one who has to use the loo more ofte...

I felt overwhelmed after the baby shower. A good overwhelmed. Lots of pressies to sort through.... what room do pacifiers belong in?  The kitchen?  I have the need for things to have a place right now, because then the world will be perfect and there won't be any more wars or famine. We opened up our Pack N' Play because it seemed like a harmless endeavor to put it together.  An hour later, we were reading the instructions again over in English, and then in French- because "cord slot" just didn't seem like the correct verbiage for anything a baby belonged in. After an hour between the 2 of us, we seemed to finally have it together.  We're fairly certain our baby won't tumble out of it. And as I sorted the last of the gifts, I took a look at the sling Sarah got us.  A piece of fabric that looks like a plus-size skirt.  I tried the skirt on over my head and then over my shoulder and stuffed a teddy bear inside.  The teddy bear seemed to be suffocat...

I have been in nesting mode for several weeks. What this means is- I look into every room of my house and find everything that is wrong with it. I have been anxious to get all the dust bunnies from the corners of the rooms and under the beds... I am addicted to Lysol disenfectant wipes and have a conatiner in each and every room, lest a germ should cross my path at any given moment. I have found myself in fits of wonder late at night and asking my husband if we need to somehow deep clean our air vents (because a new air filter just doesn't seem sufficient enough). I have trimmed the tree and can hear the other trees calling to me that they, too, need a new 'do. I have spent hundreds at COSTCO because I have a nagging fear I will somehow run out of paper towels, toilet paper, boxes of Kleenex and toothbrushes among a myriad of other products (my garage is now called 'Camco'). I silently get mad at my husband for every coffee ring he leaves on the table, every unhu...

On a day like today I feel like I am "over" being pregnant. Today is a day when I am sick (again) and clutching a box of Kleenex.  I moaned as I tossed and turned in bed last night, unable to sleep with a stuffy head and sore throat.   I ate just under 4,000 oranges yesterday in an effort to be rid of this nasty head cold and flu. I drank tea with honey and lemon... I put heating pads on my sore back... and all while thinking of my baby. Somehow you stay tucked away inside, perhaps even unphased by how ill I am. And normally I would panic that my illnesses are making you equally sick, but thanks to the web it seems I am not the only mom-in-training to be sick... a LOT. On days like today I wonder whether you will arrive early or past your due date. I am somehow convinced that you will come early, mainly because I just can't imagine my belly getting much more ginormous than it already is. Bending down has become a chore. I have officially st...

I will love to read to you. I got your first baby book- "The Runaway Bunny" from Amy G.  We love that book already, you and I. I will love to turn the pages and look at the pictures with you. I will buy you books for your birthday, and for Christmas too- just like my mom used to do. And you might frown and it might take you a year or 10 to get around to reading that book, but every time you see it, you will remember there's a story in there that I want you to know about. I will love to let you smell the book, because there's something so wonderful about the smell of books, old and new. I will love to let you touch the pages, chew on the corners, and you might even decide to color in the books that are already so colorful, but I won't get mad- because those are your books. I will love to see you slap the pages while I am trying to turn the page. I will love to read to you.

Moms always think their children are the greatest marvels of all time. They can rarely do wrong. They are wonders of the world. And I, am no exception. While the bun in my oven has yet to rise, I already think the wee one is something extraordinary. When baby Birch presents him/herself on the big screen at the doctors office and tumbles all around I think "surely my kid tumbles faster than the other babies." I look at the tech's eyes to see if she, too, is marveling. (Really, she should at least pretend she rarely sees gymnastics this amazing.) When my child kicks the outskirts of my uterus I think, "No way there is any other baby on the planet kicking a uterus with such dexterity and precision..." And every time I read something like "being sick during pregnancy helps baby build a strong immune system" I gloat while clutching a box of Kleenex.  I sniffle with pride thinking I will have a baby with the strongest-ever immune system...

"Pregnancy is a crap-shoot", my girlfriend said.  "You never know how your body will react to it." My moderate-sized closet has been reduced to just a few pieces- The things that fit me at just over 6 months pregnant. I keep these pieces in the middle of the closet, within easy reach.  All of my other clothes of yester-month will wait patiently until I can fit in them again- God-willing that happens! My shoes still fit.  I have read (and know) some women whose feet have grown at least a half-size during pregnancy- what would I do with all my cute 7.5 shoes?  My niece, Ariel would know what to do with them. I am congested ALL the time.  I buy those industrial-sized boxes of Kleenex from Costco, and have one with me at all times.  This happens to some pregnant women, apparently. My staple foods are carbs, proteins and TUMS.  Heartburn.  Heartburn.  Heartburn.  With almost every meal.  Not as bad as I've seen with some folks, but...

I don't know that I have many hopes and dreams for you, because I haven't met you yet. Your dad and will sometimes wonder whether you will be artsy and whimsical, or a serious athlete.  Will you love to play guitar as much as your dad and my dad before me and all your Dorado uncles?  Will you love to watch 'the football' and support the Albion team, even though they lose more than they win? I wonder if you'll be shy like your daddy, or if you will be as chatty as me.  Will you dance like him, with 2 feet planted on the ground, and elbows moving all around? Or will you pull out all your best moves, and be the first on the dance floor? I wonder. I look forward to getting to know you.  I haven't wondered much what you will look like, but I do often wonder whether you will have your dad's nose or mine.  Will you have dimples like my dad and your dad's mom?  Maybe you'll get 4 dimples like me- you know the ones that show themselves a few times a yea...

We're half-only folks. I steal half my husband's wardrobe because it's just like, so comfy... even though his long socks drape over my feet with all their extra inches and his sweatshirts will sometimes drown me. I steal half his food, even when I have already told him that "I'm not that hungry" and changed my mind. And on half the bed we sleep. I remember when we got our Cal-King. We had upgraded from a Full, which meant we would have lots of room to roam on the new mattress. I could sleep like a starfish every night, and Lloyd's long feet would fit on the bed for the first time ever. But my starfish-lying dreams were soon out the window. Because our pets quickly realized that the Cal-king is soooooooo soft and cushy. I always end up in bed first with Penny at my feet.  And as Lloyd walks around to turn off all the lights, turn on the alarm, and get ready to join me, the cats beat him to the bed and lie in his spot. "I have to be ...

" Don't come home without Hostess cupcakes...." I warned my husband. Knowing he'd best heed my cautionary words, he questioned, "okay, what's the difference between a muffin and a cupcake again?" He had made that critical error early in my pregnancy. At that time, each day was anyone's guess as to what I could manage to eat.   One day it would be cheese and bread all day, and the next day it could be a 24-hour session of bananas. And on the day when ALL I could muster the strength to crave and want was a chocolate cupcake, my husband returned with a frikkin' muffin!!   A MUFFIN! He tried to argue with his miserable wife.  "They're the same thing..." I was NOT a happy wife that night, as I tossed my stupid muffin aside. Now, several months later, he needed reminding what the difference between the 2 are. You know the difference, right? Everyone does? Right? I explained to him that a muffin was like bread, and a cupcake ...

"Here is the camera case... oh, and the luggage and our coats", she says as she piles high his stack. "Hey, c'mon!  What are you carrying?", he questions. Quietly she stares deep into his eyes as she Angelicly replies, "I am carrying your child." To which he responds by wheeling out their belongings as she convincingly strokes her belly. Guilty as charged. I have managed to use my pregnancy to get out of doing quite a bit.  Not necessarily my most proud feat in life, but I also can't say I am too ashamed.... you know? Look, this is my first and very likely my last pregnancy.  I only have one biological baby in my life plan so if I ride this rollercoaster with a little bit of drama and attention-seeking maneuvers, so be it. In truth, I do  legitimately need   the extra help.  Everytime I take on too many tasks, even at the halfway marker for my pregnancy, I find myself gasping for a little air.  At the gym the other evening I s...

On the days when curiosity gets the best of me, I Google predictions about my baby's gender and birth.  According to "Madame Zaritska": The day you deliver, outside will be overcast. Your baby will arrive in the early afternoon. After a labor lasting approximately 35 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 12 pounds, 9 ounces, and will be 21 inches long. This child will have dark gray eyes and curly black hair. All I can say is.... 35 HOURS!??!! ..... 12 POUNDS!!!  Look at your crystal ball again, Zaritska.... PLEASE!!

I'm pregnant, so therefore you have to put up with my rantings.  It's like a 9-month pass to be crazy and ask my husband for a glass of water and juice every morning.  So within the last couple of days I've noticed my boobs are ginormous.  Well, since I have never complained much about their size in the past (in fact, sometimes I wish they were smaller...) I know it's supposed to be a perk to have tig ol' bitties, but there's something strange about having something that you didn't have 2 weeks ago.  Today I am 4 weeks, 5 days pregnant. I am looking forward to the milestones of my pregnancy.  Week 6 is my first milestone.  Then week 10, and then the end of my first trimester. I've decided that I feel pregnant now.  No nausea, as yet...  No random food cravings except that I am hungry more often throughout the day...  I am sleepier by the end of my workday than usual. What I have noticed already, is how what I wo...