Deuces

Highlights of home include playing with Lincoln Logs: And having Charmaine, Cheyanne and Charisma over for a slumber party.  Sayler insisted on sleeping with Cheyanne- kicking me to the proverbial curb. Highlights include a year-over-year photo opp to show how rapidly Charlie is growing and how my 'surprise' face remains exactly. the. same.  Aged 12- easily 5' 10" nowadays...   Christmas 2013:     Christmas, 2014 Highlights of home include playing my first iPod.  It cost me a fortune over a decade ago and houses all of my oldest and dearest albums that are only here and not in some... cloud...  Randomly hearing Depeche Mode 's greatest pop up in my playlists makes me smile while I clean, work, Facebook, dance, think, write, muse, chide.  And one of my top 5 favorite songs of all time winds up in the rotation... (tell me this song doesn't make you so happy that you just about burst...)   ...

It's the run, I'm sure. The 6 miles that felt like 12 that reminded me I am way out of shape where endurance is concerned. As the thoughts of my lack of fitness and commitment to consistent, long runs washed over me, I shrugged. "Oh well... No one's perfect..." As I sat in child's pose shortly thereafter I felt the layer of all the devoured Christmas cookies fold up across my mid-section. I was nonplussed by the holiday weight. "It is what it is..." I heard the neighborhood children running through my home and overheard them playing "kidnappers" as they spiritedly held my child for ransom.  I wondered if I needed to intervene but I found it akin to something twisted I would play as a child so I didn't overstep their creative liberties. "So be it..." My home was left sometime later in utter disarray.  I shrugged. I picked up a few toy soldiers that lay underfoot and pushed playthings...

"I'm going to call my brother...he'll know... " I huffed.   I had given my husband far too many clues and I knew he wasn't even close to knowing which 1980's flick I was struggling to name.   The phone rang twice before Corbin answered "go".   I smiled, knowing my brother was being humorous.  "2 Things: are you still taking Sayler and I to Knott's Berry Farm this weekend?"   "Yes."   "Great. Second thing... what's that one movie from the 80's where there's a computer game and,   like, a  guy in a trenchcoat and, like-"   "..War Games?"   "YES!  YES!  Thank you."   And there it was.  The reason Jesus made me a little sister to someone (else) who watched too many movies as a kid.   I couldn't get that 1983 flick off my mind.  Lloyd, Sayler and I were on the strangest and sweetest movies-down-memory-lane adventure over the weekend: a tribute du Robin W...

I have missed my late nights.   I suddenly took on "morning person" attributes a few months ago...   I would wake somewhere between 3:30 a.m. and 5 a.m. and have boundless energy.   I would clean, work, plan, daydream and write.   But tonight, as I sit alone on the over-sized couch, I do nothing but enjoy the quiet solitude as I do one of my weeknight reconnaissance missions looking at Southern Californa homes and neighborhoods online.   I like looking at homes for sale.  I really don't know why.  Planning for some distant future, perhaps.   I like negotiating between the congested neighborhoods, concrete jungles in close proximity to downtown centers and the older, suburban homes lined on streets with mature trees and quiet sidewalks.   I always come back to those that are near the nature preserves and large parks, wide open spaces, large yards to plant beautiful things in...   And my favorite ...

It came to a point where I was able to understand what had transpired.  As I sat up late, washer and dryer still humming despite their long day's work already, I wept. But there weren't tears. My heart wept.  I spent hours meticulously laying out an array of outfits for my daughter, carefully taking register of their comfort and warmth, function and matching-savvy.  Clean chonis and clean socks, hats, mittens, coats and shoes... All of it so carefully planned so that I may put off the inevitable pain of watching her leave.  I avoid.  And oftentimes when I am avoiding the people, the discussions, the interactions and acceptance of certain realities it is because my heart is weeping. And in this avoidance I am restless, oftentimes hiding the discontent in my heart behind obsession over small details of otherwise unimportant things.  Like outfits.  I cannot stomach the pain of watching them leave. I cannot ...

I spend too much time thinking. Lloyd says I create my own anxiety, to which I respond with some anxiety. I spend too much time multi-tasking.  When I have only one thing to do, I am lost.  And then I decide to write.  So if you are seeing an inordinate amount of posts from me, give me something to do.  (Cleaning your floors not included in this trial offer). I spend my jogging sessions thinking about work.   And also trying to block out thoughts about work because I know that somewhere, some fitness guru is advising people to utilize their exercising as a way to block out stuff like work but I just can't seem to manage.   I spend my mornings cuddled up in bed with my daughter. She is extremely silly in the mornings and her smile is infectious enough to almost make me forget I need coffee. Almost. I spend my weekend mornings cocooning.  You are not familiar with cocooning.  This is my way of saying that I stare at a wall and t...