The Layoff: Day 2

Day 2 starts late day 1. 

It is evening.  My prime-time.  This is when stuff gets dunzo and I am coming off the 24 high.  24 hour fitness, that is.

Lloyd came in earlier after an honest day's work.  I sullenly looked at him looking for sympathy I didn't need.  I said "I meant to clean today, but I didn't quite get around to it.  I was laid off yesterday"  He replied "it's okay. You're entitled to a day to do nothing".  I reminded him several more times today that I had been laid off.  I will play that card as long as possible.  I've never played that hand before and I won't lie- the attention is thrilling.

I am in stage 2 of the career break-up.  I am not sure what everone else calls that stage, but for me it is "Delusions".  In this stage I tell myself this is a great thing.  It's an opportunity to go out there and find a better boyfriend- er', career.  Much like a split, I convince myself I just might be better off anyway.  I find the world rich with chance, risk, thrills and high expectations of discovering more talents that I never knew I had.

I am content in stage 2.  I hope it lasts a while.

Because like any break-up you have moments when you start to wonder if the separation will leave you wounded and desperate.  Will I miss it?  Will they miss me?

As was the catch-phrase of my youth "Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one".

I am hopeful that I can dust off that phrase and make it true once more.  Much like the prince of a man I now call husband, I know that you land exactly where you are meant to and it works itself out better than you could have ever planned.  Surely, this will too.

A day after redundancy I haven't lost a thing, but rather, gained perpective.  I am able to focus.  I am able to tell my mom on the phone that any day next week she wants to get together I can.  "I don't need to check my calendar mom- I am all yours."

And yesterday, as I drove away from that meeting that left me numb and void of clarity, I called my brother Chris- who turned out to be the first person I told- and let him know my afternoon had just opened up, and I was eager to see his shiny new law office.

This was the office I knew I would see at some point.  The office that holds the beautiful leather chairs and oil paintings that he had splurged on as a way of saying "I deserve this" when landing his role as attorney-at-law.  It felt good to sit in there, confide in him as one of my best friends and yet thoroughly enjoy all the success he has earned himself.  Sitting with my big brother and feeling so proud.

Despite my loss, I was able to see the big picture.  What I was able to feel- the compassion and support of friends and family.  What I was able to see- Beginnings.  That it isn't all about me feeling like my world has been topsy-turvyed, but being able to get over myself and see all of the wonderful things that are beginning for others around me.  5 weddings I am attending within the next year.  5 gorgeous brides.  The new job my niece just landed.  The babies that are being born to several of my friends soon.  The beginning of my journey into a new career.

These are the things that matter.  Beginnings.