The Layoff: Day 5

-
I don't want to write about being laid off.

But I am.  Because that's what I know today, and it is what I cannot shake.

I don't know if it's the whole not having a job thing that troubles me.  What is difficult is suddenly finding myself in a situation where I second guess my calling in life.  I have officially moved from a stage of denial to a stage of bummer-mode.

I am bummed that what I felt I was great at is not what I am doing.  And perhaps in another time period it will be, once more.  But today I am feeling like I have lost a piece of my identity.  And let's face it, my identity is awesome.

It is, right?  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Piler

-
Image
My husband used to do something that took me a while to wrap my head around.  I didn't know how to appraoch the situation for some time, and finally we sat down and had the discussion about his piling- and ever since things have been significantly better. Tonight I sat with my husband watching a confusing episode of LOST.  My mind was wandering and I asked him pointedly "how long do you think you can put up with me not having a job?" His immediate response: "as long as it takes." Clearly, the question confused him.  But I definitely feel like I'm on loser status.  I wake up at 10:00.  I stare at the wall and wonder what to do with the day.  Yes, true- I manage to get stuff done.  I am aggresively seeking employment, but I don't feel like I am contributing to society- or my household. And my husband reminded me that for quite some time he didn't have a job and it was me that supported him.  Those first months when he immigrated from the U...
Read More

Degree

-
Image
It was on Friday night. We laughed a lot, perhaps made delirious by the sweet smell of men that were familiar-yet-elusive and desirable. It could have been the wine,  it could have been the great company of old friends and conversations and shared opinions with other women. I disagreed with Ariel more than once, though... "Too sweet" or.... "smells like a jelly bean...." The ones I couldn't put down were the ones that smelled like a man's deodorant, hidden among 75+ samples that scattered in baskets around the coffee table. There we sat around a table full of scents as we sampled the fragrances from a friend's Scentsy collection, eager to fill out our order forms for the smells that would soon promise to envelop our homes. I opted for the "Iced Pine" option, which always reminds me of the home I have not yet lived in and lingered around the fragrances that smelled of citrus and orange peels.  The idea of the smell of "Orange...
Read More

The Big Guns

-
Image
One of the oddest things about children and babies is how they fight going to sleep. As an adult, I can't fathom why anyone would fight something so heavenly and wonderful.  When my head hits the pillow, I smile wide and nuzzle into the faux-feathery goodness of the cool pillow beneath my head. But children?  No, no, no. They will squirm, thrash, wail, and make gruesome, scary Halloween faces despite all of a parent's best efforts. As that parent, you will set-up the bedtime routine for success:  the lights are down low, the hum of some lullaby is playing softly in the background and the temperature is just so.  Mommy or daddy settle in for the trying task of winding the child down from a *busy day.  As a mommy to sweet Sayler I have recently discovered ways to calm her, but like the restless little child she is, she bores easily- so what worked for the last 2 or 3 days to help lull her into a deep sleep is no longer useful. I lea...
Read More