The Angel Beside Us

You have a wild spirit about you, little Sayler- this I already know.

I should have known what we were up against from the moment we met at the hospital. 

Like your mom, you have no patience.  When it came time for mama to push you into the world you came flying out within 20 minutes.  The doctors told mama she was a good pusher, but we all know it was you that pushed your way into that hospital room.  You came out with a fist in the air, held straight up beside your tiny head, superhero style... almost presidential. You can be so bossy.

When I went into the recovery room after delivery on several occasions the nurses came in to our room to take Sayler away for testing.  They took the other baby too, the one that I have come to know as the Angel beside us.

On that first night in the hospital I was tired, but proud and beaming.  I could overhear the conversations to my right between the nurses and the other mom who delivered her little girl that same day.  I overheard the nurses tell the woman "Your baby is such an angel..." and went on to boast about how good the little one had been during her testing.

That same nurse came to take our little firecracker, Sayler, to get her tests done, too.  But her reaction was much different.

When she brought our little girl back to me in the room, the nurse had a frightened look on her face and was extending her arms toward me, anxiously.  She remarked, simply "This little girl doesn't like to be ignored...", scowled, and turned away.

I looked at my sweetly swaddled baby and wondered what she meant.

On the next day a different nurse took sweet Sayler for another test.  When she returned with our baby she, too had a displeased look on her face.  As she handed our quiet baby over to us, she cautiously said "She's a handful."

I looked at my sweetly swaddled baby and wondered what she meant.

When we returned home with our sweetly swaddled baby we quickly learned what they meant.

It means you are a handful, sweet Sayler, and you don't like to be ignored.

But why on Earth would we ignore you?

You can wail like the best of them, but when you are dreaming in my arms and clutching my fingers I know that what you want is to be held close.  You are a handful, indeed, but already showing your rambunctious personality.

When I'd like you to sleep a little longer, right on cue at 6:30 a.m. you want me to hold you in my lap so you can stare at the world go by, watch the t.v., and marvel at the cat that is desperately trying to sit on my lap with us.  The cat's tail will whip you in the face, at times, and I will squirm to encourage the cat to seek comfort elsewhere.  And the cat will eventually settle to our side, on the couch, and we will finish up on our shows until you are ready for yet another meal, another short nap, and another small window of opportunity for mommy to shower, pay a bill, text a friend or finish on a blog like this that has been in waiting for nearly 4 weeks.

When you slumber your superhero hand goes up, again, and your other hand likes to rest comfortably under you ear.  When you wake, you exclaim, "I'm starving..." and your face quickly goes awry with sadness, as though I might decide, this once, to not feed you.  I will whisper to "hold on" as I settle into a semi-comfortable position, but you have no interest in waiting. 

We settle in, you nuzzle close, eat to your heart's content, fall asleep, and I wait for your dreamy, sleepy smile that I just can't ignore.

I love you, my little "handful".