Deuces

Do you know what saddle shoes are? These.  These are saddle shoes. Can you imagine me in saddle shoes? Do try. It's quite funny. My mom always loved saddle shoes. I always hated them. ALWAYS. But, for many years as a kid, I wore saddle shoes. I remember they had a really hard toe area, and I once catapulted off a set of jungle-gym rings and body slammed some kid to the ground while wearing those dreadful shoes.  It was a very Kung-Fu like maneuver and it was totally on purpose. I don't always remember everything about my childhood, but there are glimpses of people, events... things. And I remember the first time I finally told my mother I didn't want a new pair of saddle shoes to replace the former saddle shoes. Her response? "Okay, honey.  You don't have to get them.  We'll get you something else.... I always loved saddle shoes... I think they're so pretty......." I literally remember, in that moment at the shoe store, thinking ...

"Do you have a whore?" I stared at my husband intently as the accusation came flying from my lips. "Well...?" I pushed further. He smiled, that half-ways smile he often does when he thinks I'm being just a little bit dramatic. "Because if you have a whore, I'll find out and then I'll get full custody of Sayler and you'll only see her like, on holidays and one week each summer." He came back quickly... "why would you get full custody?" Me: "Moms always get full custody- and my brother's a lawyer so I'd take everything..." Yes. I use the word "whore." It makes people, including my husband, a little uncomfortable. Whore. ( n.) One who shacks up with another woman's man.  Usually ugly.  Never worth it.     And, admittedly, I have these insecure moments when I wonder whether my husband has a whore of his very own.  Like, when I'm feeling less-than...