I'm Scared

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It's 2:30 a.m. and I sit in a bath towel.

I couldn't sleep.

This congested head.

This girl waiting for 5: 30 a.m. to come so I can get ready for work.

This regret for going to bed too early.

This mom who is thinking and somewhat saddened by her daughter's new-found discovery of what it means to be 'scared'.

And she started saying it recently.  "I'm scared".

And I didn't think much of it at first... knowing that she just picks up words and expressions lately and may not quite comprehend what those words and expressions actually mean.

In fact, she has taken to calling me "Princess" lately, which, obviously, I'm not going to dissuade her from doing. Where did she get that word from?  There's no princess movies in this house.

And I've never been called Princess before.  My dad never pulled that bullshit with me.  I never really thanked him for that.  Cheers, dad, for keeping it real.

Now... the phrase: "Princesa... Ch-Ch-Ch, Princesa"..  Of course.... I've been called that by many a construction worker and day laborer.  Duh.  I'm from Ontario. But never before "Princess" (in English) so I will wear this invisible tiara for as long as my little girl is none the wiser.

And her other latest cute-ism is saying "Of course" instead of "yes".

"Sayler... do you want a snack?"

"Of Course"

"Sweetie... did you have fun today at daycare?"

"Of Course"

So you can imagine how disheartening it is to hear you child confess, through frightened eyes that they are scared and realize that they mean it.

And apparently this, along with her recent, occasional nightmares are normal and expected at her age.

But I can't help but feel bummed.

Though fear is a part of an intuitive nature that I hope my daughter will embody, I am not quite ready for her to fear monsters in the closet or the sounds emanating from our Blu-Ray selection of Pacific Rim.

P.S. Shite movie.  Lloyd's choice.

It has officially started: we have to be careful what we watch on T.V.

And we have to be careful how much we squeal and shirk and moan at the site of a gopher running past our feet.  When she saw me shrivel up into my lawn chair that day, she immediately started to cry and be fearful of gophers.

So now I have to grin and bear it and pretend lawn vermin are somehow cute.

*Sighhhhh

New challenges.

A new day in parenthood.

When I came downstairs after a middle-of-the-night shower I saw Lloyd's recent Netflix selection still running on the computer.

Geezers.

I hope he watched this after my daughter fell asleep.





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