Deuces

It's hard not to feel the loss. He brought me to my knees. There was a rush, My heart was beating, and he knocked me out and the worst part... is that I didn't see it coming... I didn't see it coming. It was Sunday night. And I had already been coming off a few days of feeling at a loss, perhaps as the year winds down I reflect on everything I have gained... ...that which I have tried to earn and win and hold onto and as the year slips away, I feel the loss of everything I couldn't keep, make better, grow, bedazzle, or otherwise enrich. Sunday night was no exception. We lost. Granted, an indoor soccer game loss shouldn't be such a bother. But it was a bother. I knew before the game began... the opposing women were those ones who eat, sleep and breathe creatine and were twice the size of any of the girls on our team. Not that that ever bothered me, because I can throw an elbow or a shoulder to the...

2013 has been kind to us. Surrounded by family, good friends, good health, lots of laughter and lots of love.  Few regrets, lots of lessons, some losses.  Tears of joy, tears of disappointment, summer heat, winter warmth, holidays, celebrations, birthdays, memorials, memories.  Lives beginning, relationships forming, luck ending, and coming back 'round, again. Ella Joy: Reagan Kingston Cambria

'Twas 2013,  December the Twenty, When good friends, together, Were laughing a plenty, Roll call was such: Lizzy, Amber, Melissa, Lisa, Jess Plus one more hostess we'll dub the "hot mess", We drank a little too much, we did our clothing exchange, and then what happened, was something quite strange, In a moment of drunken wisdom, we decided it best, to take out the camera, and put timer to test, Here's what ensued, (judgmental, don't be) This is just how, We likes to partee.

There's too much to say. One thing these photos won't portray is how I broke down in tears on Christmas Eve and cried into Sayler's beautiful quilt.  I blubbered uncontrollably. My eyes were puffy as I allowed my first world problems to overcome me coupled with the anxiety of last-minute planning for a party of 24. My emotions ran high with the sorrow of knowing I had to go to Costco on Christmas Eve. My angst and worry was at code red thanks to a small dose of a family feud that I not-so-secretly hope befalls most families during major holidays. But, alas, all of my weeping and feeling sorry for myself was made better by an extraordinary Christmas Day. Some photos of a great day/night: In photo: Me tripping out that my 11 year old nephew is this tall. Seriously. Tripping. Me. Out. All my mom's grand kids and 2 great-grand kids. That's 15 walking messes! My nieces, Monique and Ariel. They were a huge help to the set-up and clean-up eff...

In the days before Christmas I spend time with people I love.  I watch my suburban neighborhood come alight with holiday splendor while neighbors help one another put up Christmas lights and bake cookies together.  In the days before Christmas I play games with girlfriends and celebrate our children and longstanding relationships.  I work diligently, exhaustingly at times so I can enjoy these times with these people I cannot live without. These are the days before Christmas.

My husband came home one night recently and said, "there's this song that reminds me of you and Sayler"... and I thought that was a thoughtful sentiment.  Because there are so many songs that remind me of people, and I will often tell them. Just like how a million songs remind me of Ariel, including this  Katy Perry song  which takes me back to the day the album dropped.  Ariel and I cleaning my storage unit...  Her and I, doing the Charleston with the radio turned way up... and all other ill-fitting and old-fashioned dance moves reminiscent of Gatsby days there along the concrete driveway...  We dance a little lame sometimes. It's how people know we're related. But the last time I remember someone saying a song reminded them of me was when Lizzy said Drops of Jupiter  reminded her of me (and, in turn, I think of her every time I hear it). That was over a decade ago. and when Brian and I dated in the yesteryear and he said Nirvana's...

"Mommy Go Running?" Sayler often asks as I lace up and grab the earbuds that are always momentarily lost somewhere in the house. I often reply "yep, mommy go running", and I'll plant a big wet kiss on her cheek as she bids me adieu. Someday, not long from now, I will explain to her that it's not just a run... More like "mommy go therapy" or "mommy go away from daddy because she's driving him crazy" or "mommy go listen to her new album" ... and these things just happen to involve the thumping of my heel-toe-strike on the pavement.  But to keep it simple, for now, I simply smile and reply.. "Yep... Mommy go running." It was Saturday that I last laced up for a decent run and I made a promise to myself that I would discover new things about my usual route... that I would pay attention to the details of my hood. Of course... those things can slow a girl down... but it's not ...