The Loss

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It's hard not to feel the loss.

He brought me to my knees.

There was a rush,

My heart was beating,

and he knocked me out and the worst part...

is that I didn't see it coming...

I didn't see it coming.

It was Sunday night.

And I had already been coming off a few days of feeling at a loss,

perhaps as the year winds down I reflect on everything I have gained...

...that which I have tried to earn and win and hold onto and as the year slips away, I feel the loss of everything I couldn't keep, make better, grow, bedazzle, or otherwise enrich.

Sunday night was no exception.

We lost.

Granted, an indoor soccer game loss shouldn't be such a bother.


But it was a bother.

I knew before the game began... the opposing women were those ones who eat, sleep and breathe creatine and were twice the size of any of the girls on our team.

Not that that ever bothered me, because I can throw an elbow or a shoulder to the best of them.

But I cannot, cannot uproot the ones who have the incredibly robust asses.  Bottom-heavy doesn't even begin to describe the width and solid-build of those deeply rooted trunks

And though the dudes and dames of team Strikers pulled our bestest moves it wasn't enough to bring us a win.

And somewhere as the game drew near an end I was brought to my knees by one of the opposing dudes.

His swift, deliberate focus as he drew near left me wondering if it wasn't intentional to bring this girl down.

The cheap, faux grass hurt my ego as much as the burn to my knees left riddled with scrapes and cuts.

As I hugged the green, the sound of the ball still echoing against the walls, I felt defeated.

It was the defeat of the game...

I think.

I lingered a moment too long before I remembered I needed to stand up and carry on.

And when I woke up this morning I still felt the loss... or lost... but perhaps that is Monday's way of taunting us as a reminder that we have to face the week ahead.

My knees, ankles and elbow will take a slow while to heal.

My ego is still bruised.

I didn't want to lose.

I don't want to lose.



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