50 Shades of Indifference

-
Okay, I read the books so I think I can safely have an opinion that reflects my indifference and lack of interest in the 50 Shades movie.

I might have rolled my eyes as I watched the scenes unfold on my laptop.

I might have gotten into overly-lengthy discussions with my wonderfully beautiful and intelligent girlfriends about what makes a man sexy (on Facebook, of course- as it is the CNN of all intelligent social conversations...)

And even though my horoscope says I am about to have a rockin' weekend where love is concerned I am convinced it won't be because I am in any way swayed by the beguiling (if not awkward) stare of Christian Grey.

What am I missing here, friends?  Why can I not swoon?  Why am I incapable of finding Mr. Grey's broody demeanor in any way intoxicating? Am I the only female alive that finds moody, complicated men selfishly annoying?

Am I the only one who sees this photo and wonders why they look painfully worried (if not constipated) and not even remotely in the mood to get down with each other?



In fact, I have a general disdain for unrealistic characterizations by authors that are determined to make men across the world feel inadequate (or do the same to women).   Granted, I have a long-standing crush on Edward Cullen, but that's because he likes some serious neck-action, and every girl likes to be bitten. #fact

Obviously, my strong opinion herein and need to write on this looming Friday evening is to help ease the tension of tonight's Dodger-Giants game.  As Peter and I text anxiously back and forth while he makes his way to AT&T I take comfort that one of my closest and longest-ever friends is reppin' the 909 and Dodgers in the Bay Area on behalf of nervous fans everywhere...  #Greinke

(Writing about my apathy for soft-porn novels turned into cinematic messes curbs the 50 Shades of Anxiety I am experiencing...)

Friends: Please do share some ways I can get excited about the 50 Shades of Grey film so I, too, can have burning loins for Jamie Dornan's rendition of Christian Grey.  It's isolating fantasizing about "real" men who don't have "red rooms of pain".  #lonely #whoplansValentine'sDayinJuly?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Dear Bobby"

-
Image
"Dear Bobby, I love you. I always look forward to when my husband leaves for work, and you sneak into bed with me. Sometimes, you will wake me up, but usually, you just lie there next to me waiting for my eyes to open." Bobby. You are a cat. But you are the cat of all cats. Unliked some others whose names I will not mention.... you like being a cat. You are my original Obi Kenobi... But you don't like your name and insist I call you "Bobby" or "Bob". You are my predator. You can catch anything- including a rabbit almost twice your size. I remember the time you brought a baby possum into our home. I had just awakened and sleepily headed to use the bathroom when, peering from inside the toilet, was a little possum begging to be released. You cheeky bastard, Bobby. That poor possum. I scolded you and you just turned the other whisker, as if to say "look lady... I am a cat, that's how I do...." The other cats beg for forgiveness when ...
Read More

The Good Dancer: A Dating Story

-
Image
I once dated a really good dancer. That wasn't his only strength. In truth, he was one of thee absolute best dudes I ever made out with.  He was super funny, smart and we clicked right away. But what struck me as odd was that, for the first time before and since, his good dancing skills didn't turn me off.  (For some reason, a man with too much swagger on the floor has always confused and frightened me a little.)  Oh, and I also don't like when they are so involved in their dancing that they forget you are on the floor with them.  Oh, and when they A. crowd you or B. use you as a prop.  Oh, and when they sing along to songs by female artists.  If you know all the lyrics to "I'm a Slave for You", that's both impressive and embarrassing. (I really did have strange deal-breakers with men...) So here was the first guy who I enjoyed dancing with that was actually a really good dancer.  He didn't crowd.  He didn't sweat profusely.  H...
Read More

Degree

-
Image
It was on Friday night. We laughed a lot, perhaps made delirious by the sweet smell of men that were familiar-yet-elusive and desirable. It could have been the wine,  it could have been the great company of old friends and conversations and shared opinions with other women. I disagreed with Ariel more than once, though... "Too sweet" or.... "smells like a jelly bean...." The ones I couldn't put down were the ones that smelled like a man's deodorant, hidden among 75+ samples that scattered in baskets around the coffee table. There we sat around a table full of scents as we sampled the fragrances from a friend's Scentsy collection, eager to fill out our order forms for the smells that would soon promise to envelop our homes. I opted for the "Iced Pine" option, which always reminds me of the home I have not yet lived in and lingered around the fragrances that smelled of citrus and orange peels.  The idea of the smell of "Orange...
Read More