Passwords

What's the deal with passwords??

Last night I projected an educational software program onto an LCD screen.

My mission?

To train and educate the adult minds of college students how to register their software, create a username, password, and subsequently log in to their accounts for a semester of access to homework and project assignments.

I looked great, thankfully.

Because as I smugly demonstrated how to navigate the log-in screen I proceeded to set an example of how to "easily" enter my username and password.

And then it happened.

Right there, for everyone to see...

I couldn't remember my password.

Blasted.

I laughed just a little, assuming I had hastily entered a character wrong.

No enchilada.

I couldn't get in.

I gave it 6 more tries, and each time the page hollered back at me that I was a buffoon, unworthy of being someone's wife and daughter, and each time in that bold red-color that suggested I shouldn't even bother to ever pro-create.  It would be a dis-service to humanity.

Seeing red is never a good sign.

And finally a student spoke up and gave me the clue.  The clue that every username has to be in a certain format: last name first, first intial.

Geez.

I finally figured out the supporting password after using 2 banking passwords, my email account password, my other email account password, and 3 of my work passwords.

Zoiks.

Because everything requires a password these days- Nobody is safe from the threat of online scammers.

I try to be clever and use the same password for most things, but that never works because they all have different requirements.

Characters with numbers and letters, case-sensitive, 4-digit pins, birthdate, a maximum of 8 characters...

Ooph.

I have 3 widely used email accounts
I have 2 bank accounts
I have at least 14 bills I pay online each month, each requiring a username and password
I have a home security system
I know my driver's license number by heart, my checking account number and routing number and also Lloyd's and my social security numbers
I know all my nieces and nephews birthdates (and there's like, a million of them)
I have 3 work phone numbers..
and 1 personal cell-phone number
I have work portals that each require passwords:
1 for my expense account
1 for sales records
1 for our online ordering system
1 to even open my laptop
and another to access vital documents

There are so many numbers and digits in my head that when people ask me a simple question like my address I have to pause, blink twice and doubtfully give my response.

If one character goes missing, everything quickly falls apart.  The whole system is shattered.

But the most humiliating is when you decide to use the password retrieval option.

The security question is often vague like:  What was your childhood nickname?

I have an egg carton full of siblings- so it depends who you ask.

So you can see why I'm shocked that so many people become the victims of identity theft.

To that thief I say,

"GOOD LUCK, BUDDY!"