I Won't Forget
I won't forget the woes of pregnancy.
Just in case I somehow think "It wasn't so bad", I have decided to make myself a list of the moments I'd rather not re-live.
And is it because I am ungrateful?
Heck no, man.
There are joys of pregnancy. I'll list those first.
1. Those first moments when you feel your baby move, tumble, fist pump and karate chop.
2. When you have an intense food craving for, say, powdered donuts, and you eat a full package of said donuts and you can feel the smile on your face stretch from ear to ear while white powder falls from your lips and you aren't even a little bit sorry about it.
3. When people finally notice you are pregnant and not just carrying extra holiday weight.
4. When moms of the world tell you exactly what you are thinking at any given time during your pregnancy.
5. When you see other pregnanct women waddle across the room and you are glad you aren't the only one who has to use the loo more often than anyone else in proximity.
6. When people say "you're tiny"... "you're all belly".... "you glow"... even though, despite their kindness, for whatever strange reason you still want to slap them a little (why is that?)
7. When strapping young men see you doing anything remotely physical and they come over and offer their services. I guess I still gots it goin' on.
8. When you go in for an ultrasound and see your baby move and hear their heart beating.
9. Having strangers tell you what they think the gender of your baby will be ("Boy" is currently winning about 9 to 1).
10. The feeling of loving someone you've never even met yet.
Now....
For the other stuff I'd rather not lie about.
1. When you're baby is getting bigger and therefore his/her feet are bigger and they are able to make fists and totally use your abdomen as an Ultimate Fighting ring. Not cool, baby. Not cool.
2. Doing what looks like a "drop and roll" routine to get into and out of bed, change positions or reach for something on the night-stand. My husband calls this black ops maneuver "cute". I call it ridiculous.
3. I actually don't mind that people want to touch my belly... assuming I know them. When the strange Verizon guy reached out two hands and placed them on my oven.... that kinda' annoyed me.
4. The fact that I have always preferred sleeping on my right side, and now, I can only fall asleep on my left side, with 3 pillows propping me up, one between my knees, and one behind me in case my body decides to roll right. If there is one pillow mis-placed, the whole system falls apart and I am left with heartburn and/or the complete inability to fall asleep.
5. Not being able to bend down with poise, dexterity or even an ounce of allure. Oh no, I have to get into that pre-sprint, one hand touching the ground whilst a leg goes back bendover. And that's if I don't want to look completely silly. When I'm in the confines of my own home, I do an awkward sumo-squat to reach for the things I have dropped.
6. Forgetting. Everything.
7. The weird taste in my mouth I get after eating. I have no idea what this is all about, but it's no fun.
8. Becoming sick while pregnant and having very few options on how to treat the sickness. Me no likey.
9. Feeling like I'm roasting when my husband says he's cold.
10. The obsessive, crazy mom I have already become.
Just in case I somehow think "It wasn't so bad", I have decided to make myself a list of the moments I'd rather not re-live.
And is it because I am ungrateful?
Heck no, man.
There are joys of pregnancy. I'll list those first.
1. Those first moments when you feel your baby move, tumble, fist pump and karate chop.
2. When you have an intense food craving for, say, powdered donuts, and you eat a full package of said donuts and you can feel the smile on your face stretch from ear to ear while white powder falls from your lips and you aren't even a little bit sorry about it.
3. When people finally notice you are pregnant and not just carrying extra holiday weight.
4. When moms of the world tell you exactly what you are thinking at any given time during your pregnancy.
5. When you see other pregnanct women waddle across the room and you are glad you aren't the only one who has to use the loo more often than anyone else in proximity.
6. When people say "you're tiny"... "you're all belly".... "you glow"... even though, despite their kindness, for whatever strange reason you still want to slap them a little (why is that?)
7. When strapping young men see you doing anything remotely physical and they come over and offer their services. I guess I still gots it goin' on.
8. When you go in for an ultrasound and see your baby move and hear their heart beating.
9. Having strangers tell you what they think the gender of your baby will be ("Boy" is currently winning about 9 to 1).
10. The feeling of loving someone you've never even met yet.
Now....
For the other stuff I'd rather not lie about.
1. When you're baby is getting bigger and therefore his/her feet are bigger and they are able to make fists and totally use your abdomen as an Ultimate Fighting ring. Not cool, baby. Not cool.
2. Doing what looks like a "drop and roll" routine to get into and out of bed, change positions or reach for something on the night-stand. My husband calls this black ops maneuver "cute". I call it ridiculous.
3. I actually don't mind that people want to touch my belly... assuming I know them. When the strange Verizon guy reached out two hands and placed them on my oven.... that kinda' annoyed me.
4. The fact that I have always preferred sleeping on my right side, and now, I can only fall asleep on my left side, with 3 pillows propping me up, one between my knees, and one behind me in case my body decides to roll right. If there is one pillow mis-placed, the whole system falls apart and I am left with heartburn and/or the complete inability to fall asleep.
5. Not being able to bend down with poise, dexterity or even an ounce of allure. Oh no, I have to get into that pre-sprint, one hand touching the ground whilst a leg goes back bendover. And that's if I don't want to look completely silly. When I'm in the confines of my own home, I do an awkward sumo-squat to reach for the things I have dropped.
6. Forgetting. Everything.
7. The weird taste in my mouth I get after eating. I have no idea what this is all about, but it's no fun.
8. Becoming sick while pregnant and having very few options on how to treat the sickness. Me no likey.
9. Feeling like I'm roasting when my husband says he's cold.
10. The obsessive, crazy mom I have already become.
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