2015

The year is starting off right, despite not being able to clearly articulate any resolutions.  The ones I've come up with so far would seem pale and vapid without context, so let me not bore you.

 

I can indicate that the year is starting like a bit of budding flower. It's hard to tell whether it will wilt as surely as it might blossom.  I am not hopeful. Though I am not despondent. 

 

I am not much of anything by way of moved, in fact.  I am perhaps indifferent. Or some sweeter version of indifferent.  I am preparing to prepare.

 

Does that sound vague?

 

Yes, I certainly hope so.

 

No great plans but I may throw many, many fiery balls into the air this year and see which land. 

 

On New Year's Day Sayler and I walked hand in hand to the park.   I listened to my chatty Cathy asking, probing, remarking all along the way.  I said few words as I took in her sweet energy. 

 

"Look at the street...it's all sparkles... who fixed d'street?"

 

(Pausing...uncertain how to answer her well-thought out inquiry): "The City" I provided.

 

"Ohhhhhhhh, d'sitty...."

 

"I need to rest...my batteries ran out"... she'd say, letting go of my hand to stand momentarily on the sidewalk, allowing her head to drop while taking in a great big gulp of air before carrying on in our 1/2 mile journey to the playground.

 

And as her small hand rested within my own on that walk I felt a great sense of security and sense of worth.

 

That same small hand slipped into my own today as we walked through the used bookstore.  My bored daughter more than once decidedly sat on the floor as I browsed the un-organized non-fiction titles.  After many minutes of perusal, I settled on a fiction title for myself, one for my mother- an avid reader, a Dr. Seuss favorite for my daughter, and a book on baseball parks for my sister, Camille.

 

Under $9.00 spent on what would turn into an afternoon and evening huddled lamplight to read.  My slightly untidy home bothered me not, as my daughter caught up with favorite play things and Lloyd watched short films on recording music.

 

The day is passing.  I have accomplished very little save for the turning of endless pages.  And for accomplishing little in this day I am indifferent.  

 

Or some sweeter version of indifferent.