One-A-Day

I told my husband the same thing I had told my midwife several months prior: I feel like I can only manage one thing every day.

And that is the state of me in 2016.

And when too many things come my way I can feel the chink in my mental chain.

I become disoriented.

Literally, actually.

On a usually familiar jog last week I had a few minutes of feeling somewhat lost in my own neighborhood.

Which way to the gravel path?

It's like being somewhere between lost in thought, mentally drained and emotionally wiped out.

Though the irony of 2016 is that I couldn't be more fulfilled and each day more grateful for all I have....    

I might even be brash enough to say it's the happiest time of my life. 

But there's still that chink in my chain.

It is the anxiety of going back to work which makes me so sad (so, so sad). To leave my babies at this pivotal stage of their little lives feels like a stun gun to my heart. 

It is the unwillingness to face this stage of life where parents get older and become sick. 

It's the loss of people taken too young, too soon from the world.

It's heavy.

It's a chink in the chain.

And so I find myself desperately clinging to beautiful moments in time, clutching my world with both hands and attempting to hide away and pray that nothing else will change.

Not this week. 

Not this month.

Not this summer.

One thing at a time, please. 

But I can't hide for long. 

Days to face ahead.

Realities to get back to.

New memories to be made.

Feeling re-connected to the world that I seem to be losing a grip on lately.

I can only manage one thing a day. 

Today it will be a day of remembrance- 37 years to be exact. 

Tomorrow it will be a day of celebration of life- 5 and 15 years, to be exact.

And thinking about anything else in the near or distant future is too much for now.

Please hang up and try your call again later.