Birthday Girl

Alana,

361 nights ago I held you in my arms at exactly this hour.

Nursing you, cradling your warm, naked, new body close to mine.

Completely in love.

So in love.

I hope you know that kind of love someday.

It's transcendent... unmatched... calming... whole...

And you were held, unnamed, in those hours, and it would be 2 days later that we named you, officially. 

(It turns out- we couldn't leave the hospital  without naming you).

So let me tell you how your name came to be.

Alana,

Your name was on the short list for a while.  

Your dad always liked it.

It is my middle name.

And when I was pregnant with your sister, gender unknown, he tossed around the name Alana if we had a girl.

But I knew the baby I was carrying was not an 'Alana'.

Sometimes, you feel things deeper than in your heart...

It's in your soul.

And so your sister came to have her name, and if fit her perfectly.

And then nearly 5 years passed of our lives...

And when I held you, my new, calm, gentle baby who arrived nearly 2 weeks late, Alana seemed to fit so well.

A calm, easygoing name to match my easygoing pregnancy (save for the first trimester), the calmness that enveloped my body as I carried you, the way my whole world changed to reconsider all of the things that were important...

But let me tell you how I came to have the middle name Alana.

My uncle's name was Allen.

He was my mom's brother.

He was someone my mother loved, dearly.

A harmless man Iast saw when I was around the age of 11 or 12.

I remember him as a gentle person, an uncle I'd see in passing.

And to validate that name further, my mom's mom loved the actor Alan Ladd.

You see? 

It's a little complex.

But complex is beautiful.

Your name was chosen carefully after we saw you, held you, nursed you, stared at you, slept beside you 2 full nights and passed you to be held by grandma and then, a full day and a half after your birth, your sister.

And for reasons unknown I had never thought to search for the meaning of my middle name, and now your name, prior.

But here is your befitting name:

Alana is a common female given namecoming from the Goidelic/ Hawaiian community meaning fair, beautiful, offering. It also is an Ibo given namewhich means father land or father's land in Igbo language. Alana or Elana can also be the female name in an English translation of Elan which in Hebrew means tree.

Alana, you get so many compliments from strangers "she's beautiful" they say...

And even your pediatrician has said, more than once, "she's perfect".

At your 1 year checkup you weighed in just under 24 pounds, falling in the 93ed percentile for both height and weight.

We're certain you'll be a tall girl, which will go nicely with your beautiful spirit and contemplative nature.

(If you end up petite, I promise I'll be as surprised as you).

Alana,

I must end this post now because you have gotten into my wallet again...

Love, Mama Bird

(Weekend in Monterey ❤️)