Deuces

" Don't come home without Hostess cupcakes...." I warned my husband. Knowing he'd best heed my cautionary words, he questioned, "okay, what's the difference between a muffin and a cupcake again?" He had made that critical error early in my pregnancy. At that time, each day was anyone's guess as to what I could manage to eat.   One day it would be cheese and bread all day, and the next day it could be a 24-hour session of bananas. And on the day when ALL I could muster the strength to crave and want was a chocolate cupcake, my husband returned with a frikkin' muffin!!   A MUFFIN! He tried to argue with his miserable wife.  "They're the same thing..." I was NOT a happy wife that night, as I tossed my stupid muffin aside. Now, several months later, he needed reminding what the difference between the 2 are. You know the difference, right? Everyone does? Right? I explained to him that a muffin was like bread, and a cupcake ...

"Here is the camera case... oh, and the luggage and our coats", she says as she piles high his stack. "Hey, c'mon!  What are you carrying?", he questions. Quietly she stares deep into his eyes as she Angelicly replies, "I am carrying your child." To which he responds by wheeling out their belongings as she convincingly strokes her belly. Guilty as charged. I have managed to use my pregnancy to get out of doing quite a bit.  Not necessarily my most proud feat in life, but I also can't say I am too ashamed.... you know? Look, this is my first and very likely my last pregnancy.  I only have one biological baby in my life plan so if I ride this rollercoaster with a little bit of drama and attention-seeking maneuvers, so be it. In truth, I do  legitimately need   the extra help.  Everytime I take on too many tasks, even at the halfway marker for my pregnancy, I find myself gasping for a little air.  At the gym the other evening I s...

On the days when curiosity gets the best of me, I Google predictions about my baby's gender and birth.  According to "Madame Zaritska": The day you deliver, outside will be overcast. Your baby will arrive in the early afternoon. After a labor lasting approximately 35 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 12 pounds, 9 ounces, and will be 21 inches long. This child will have dark gray eyes and curly black hair. All I can say is.... 35 HOURS!??!! ..... 12 POUNDS!!!  Look at your crystal ball again, Zaritska.... PLEASE!!

When I was little my dad did just about all the cooking for his kids (and dogs). There were a lot of us.  I lost count  how many kids there were, because the kids would bring friends home and then some of the kids had kids so there were kids a plenty. My dad would cook up anything that went a million ways. I am no stranger to Mac' n Cheese, and Sir Sloppy Joe and our family go way back.  Hamburger Helper was a staple, and eggs fried up with leftover everythings was a mainstay.  There were stews and menudo, albondigas and pieces of bread filled with sandwich meats like bologna and turkey.  If FMV made it, we bought it. And on everything, went Tabasco. I crawled downstairs this morning for an early breakfast of Mac n' Cheese instead of the usual Raisin Bran.  (Must be a sudden pregnancy thing, because I also had to have it for lunch). I boiled the noodles (okay microwaved them, let's be honest, I'm not Martha Stewart)... and ...

I'm pregnant, so therefore you have to put up with my rantings.  It's like a 9-month pass to be crazy and ask my husband for a glass of water and juice every morning.  So within the last couple of days I've noticed my boobs are ginormous.  Well, since I have never complained much about their size in the past (in fact, sometimes I wish they were smaller...) I know it's supposed to be a perk to have tig ol' bitties, but there's something strange about having something that you didn't have 2 weeks ago.  Today I am 4 weeks, 5 days pregnant. I am looking forward to the milestones of my pregnancy.  Week 6 is my first milestone.  Then week 10, and then the end of my first trimester. I've decided that I feel pregnant now.  No nausea, as yet...  No random food cravings except that I am hungry more often throughout the day...  I am sleepier by the end of my workday than usual. What I have noticed already, is how what I wo...

( Written September 13, 2010) I was driving home from work, called my honey and asked him to go get me some fish tacos. Mama's hungry. He adamantly said "You can't have fish while you're pregnant." Damn. Why did I encourage him to follow the do's and don'ts of pregnancy with me? Yes, I know I can't have high-level mercury fish like swordfish and shark, but fish tacos from Rubio's? Anyway, I bullied my way into that one and guess where my donor is? Picking me up some fish tacos. I have cut out all caffeine.  Starbucks is taunting me as I drive by. I have cut out beer and wine and all the other fun stuff. No more bleu cheese dressing, even though it's probably safe.  So to the little creature inside my womb I say, "Fish tacos!  It's what's for dinner!"

( Written September 11, 2010) I guess in thinking back there was another indication I was pregnant on the night I sat with my girlfriends talking about movies... I wasn't the one that brought it up.  I think it was Sara.  But what most people don't know about me is that the "Neverending Story" pretty much always chokes me up. Most people remember the cute, flying dog.  Or they know all about Atreyu and the cute kid from 'The Wonder Years'.  But everytime that movie comes to mind all I can picture is the overwhelming sadness I felt when Artax was lost to the quicksand. (Totally tearing up right now, in factoid). So while we sat there, I started the well-up.  I laughed as loud as I could through my tears in an effort to counter-balance the sad juju that was busting through me at the seams.  Like how there is more strength in numbers, or when you get multiple Care Bears to stand together and do the "Care Bear Stare". Oddly, my theory was disprov...

( Written September 10, 2010) I should have known when I couldn't stop singing.... But I didn't. On a whim Lloyd and I went to CVS in Fullerton to buy a pregnancy test. There we were looking at all of the options in the "Family Planning" section. I settled on the pee sticks (really a confusing choice) and headed back. As we drove back toward Cal State Fullerton, where we had a hotel room for the night I could not stop harmonizing- and even dragged Lloyd into it.  I was telling him that we should teach ourselves to sing and I encouraged him to belt out "YELLOW, YELLOW,YELLOW, YELLOW,YELLOW, YELLOW, YELLOW, YELLOW!" In our most soprano voices followed by some very barotone "BLUE,BLUE, BLUE, BLUE BLUE, REEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDD" I know.... It sounds crazy, but at the time as we headed down Commonwealth it felt totally the right thing to do.  Us two, belting out the primary colors. And before the colors shenanigans I found myself singing other made...

In high school I'm sure I talked almost exclusively about dancing, cheerleading, soccer and what was for lunch (seriously, I would think about it all day). In college I talked about boys, college exams, annoying customers at Mimi's and more boys (seriously, I think they took up a lot of my thoughts and energy). In my post-college years I talked about my career, my dreams for a house, whether marriage was in the cards for me and my career (seriously, it plagued me). And after all those conversations manifested themselves into a reality I loved, I now find myself talking incessantly about being pregnant, becoming a mom and reflecting on what Mommy-and-Me classes the shorty and I will take (seriously, I can't wait to spend major Q.T. with my little buddy). The conversations have turned to whether we are having a boy or girl (we don't know yet- I'd rather be surprised at the delivery, my husband is anxious to know now)... and what names we have picked out. So as ol...